I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't make out with my wife yet
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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