she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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