Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
