you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
