I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
