If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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