she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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