Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
