dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
