So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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