peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
