I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
