Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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