if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
