absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
