I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
