I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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