I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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