I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
