i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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