just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
