I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize