the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
