There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
