I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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