i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
