Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
