Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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