Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
