so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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