ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The adults are the big ones right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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