I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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