Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
