at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
