I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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