u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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