Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
