My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize