i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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