i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
