Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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