My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
