Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
