Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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