I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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