every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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