Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize