woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Green mimosas i think yes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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