Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
