Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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