So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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