I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize