Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
