Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
