my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
