We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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