and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
