the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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