just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
