I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
