I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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