Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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