What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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