2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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