I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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