I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
